Will ‘DOWN + B’ For P.O.P.! (Venue)

Will ‘DOWN + B’ For P.O.P.! (Venue)

June 27th, 2008

First Richard Nixon, then Carol Molnau,….and now Segathon Inc. Yesterday the Association of Sega Domiciles (ASD) voted unanimously to decline their option year as the Segathon host venue provider. The ASD consists of a conglomerate of venues including the Thunderdome, Heimdal Financial Coliseum, The House Formerly Known as the ‘SAC’, and St. Paul’s Clinton Civic Center. In 2003 the ASD inked a 5 year contract to provide the host venue for SEGATHON’S 2 Major Events (The Pan-O-Prog Mid Summer Classic and the SEGATHON Championship) with an option for a 6th year. Now, with only 2 weeks notice before their next Major competition, Segathon Inc and it’s followers are out on the street.

Struthers sees first hand the devastation of the ASD ruling. Segathoners were forced to set up under a bridge near the McStop. With no electricity and the fumes of passing semis, the Segathoners have went crazy, playing with dead rats as controller and vodka boxes as TV's.Struthers exclaimed "without tag board and markers to draw brackets the once organizedsegathoners have resorted to Lord of the Flies violence.

Struthers sees first hand the devastation of the ASD ruling. Segathoners were forced to set up under a bridge near the McStop. With no electricity and the fumes of passing semis, the Segathoners have went crazy, playing with dead rats as controller and vodka boxes as TV’s.Struthers exclaimed “without tag board and markers to draw brackets the once organizedsegathoners have resorted to Lord of the Flies violence.

A statement released by the members of the ASD cited numerous reasons for their decision. “In the past 3 years we have suffered severe structural damage including holes in the wall and broken hand rails. Not to mention the numerous accounts of spillage, vomitation, and yes…urination. We were promised the shot chart would go away…but it didn’t. It returned and with it a wrath of debauchery and wrongdoing.” One of the ASD members who asked to remain anonymous added the following, “With the bulk of Segathon competitors reaching the age of 30 you would think that the mayhem would dissipate, but the opposite has indeed occurred. All I have witnessed is a complete lack of maturity!”

So what next for this underground sport that has grown in popularity over the past half decade? Well, Segathon has contracted out the help of Colonel Jessip who has issued a Code Red in hopes for a host venue to present itself in the near future. Sally Struthers has offered her personal help in finding a home for the Pan-O-Prog Tourney. She thought she had landed a venue, unfortunately there is a lack of electrical outlets in the jungles of the Sudan. She will turn her attention to the people of the South Metro to help in these dire times. Sally says, “The host will not only receive an award from high ranking Segathon officials, but will drink for free, as well as receive free maid service the following morning. Plus new guidelines have been implemented to further prevent catastrophes.” One things for certain, Segathon need your help!

PLEASE HELP SEGATHON FIND A HOME FOR 25 PAN O PROG COMPETITORS!

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