Midsummer Classic 2011

Pan-O-Prog Midsummer Classic 2011

@ The Cork Coliseum (AKA Shamrocks)


From: Walter
Subject: NHL 95
Date: Saturday, April 2, 2011, 12:06 AM

Hey Rookies. We love your site. We’ve been following it for years. Great jerseys!

Me and my friends from Boston go to different baseball parks each year. We play NHL 95 all the time. This year we are going to Minesotter and would love to play your best opposition in a tournament and drink 1000 beers. We are tentatively planning the weekend of June 17th and would love to meet up and play. Are you available?
All the best!

Could it be? other guys just like us playing NHL 95 religiously? This has to be some sort of trap. But the temptation is too strong and we send a rebuttal.


As soon as I saw you were from the Boston area my heart filled with RAGE as you have stole David Ortiz, Kevin Garnett and Randy Moss but then gave Randy back. But I remembered you are a NHL 95er and looks like you are a fellow pollack like me so we’re cool
I have sent out an APB to fellow Segathoners to see if we can do a tourney and will get back to you. Let me know your guys schedule for that weekend and if you were looking to do a day “gentlemans” tourney or a night “worst hang over ever” tourney.

PS – if this is some type of trap, us Segathoner’s carry under $20 and are certified in man-rape self defense classes

And just like that it was on, June 18th would be the date these two worlds collide. No house could hold such fury with 20+ drunken nerds competing to see who is the best at the Unholy Grail of Games. The liability was so high that our unofficial official sponsorship, the Lakeville Panorama of Progress (POP for short) would not sponsor the event. After high level meetings with many Sporting Complexes Blair and Jud decided on the fabled Shamrocks Bar home of the World Famous Nook Burger signed on to sponsor the event.


That’s when the news cycle took over, the above tale of the tape was sent around the world. Players from the California to Finland remarked at how epic this event would be.

The rules were set that we would play by the Segathon Rules (as the Bostonians do line changes and offsides on) and there would be the POP tourney along with a Ryder Cup style event where their Top 9 would play our Top 9.  Scroll all the way to Bottom (its a ways)  for Rankings and player profiles.

The biggest question is do these Boston guys have what it takes? Many a roob has said they dominate at this game and then get nuked back to 1995 when they played pros like Nate the Great or Andy the Negative. MNers were riding high until they saw “the belt”


Anybody who has the bedazzling ability above to create such a masterpiece does not fuck around. These games were going to be close.

Well the day before the even the Bostonians went to a Twins game where Segathon CEO Jud met the group. Security was called as the Bostoners were a rowdy bunch. Many of the MNers got worried when Jud who has been called rowdy for most of his life, described them that way. He also said something peculiar, only one of the guys had a Good Will Hunting accent, what gives?

The next day the Segathon Roadie crew set up at Shamrocks and we get a call, the Bostoners where outside, They had pulled up in a Limo with a life size replica of the Bruins Stanley cup they had carefully put together from tin foil and stuff lying around their hotel room. See video of the meeting

Well the games commenced and right off the bat Walter seeks out Nate to get their POP game in (POP games were going on at all times, and every half hour the Ryder Cup Games were played going from 9th team to 1st team) This was an epic event in itself it was like Superman playing Batman. Not only does Walter beat Nate, but he picks his team randomly and shuts him out. The MNers are in Deep Shit! The Boston boys who we come to find out all but 2 are from Detroit, start mopping the floor with us on the POP side of things and it is not going that great in the Ryder cup either.



Hugs batted 9th for us and faced Boston Dave and lost in a 3-1 button mashing fest, but Luke rallies the land of 10,000 lakes with an OT win over Detroit Joe. Next up was the meat of the MN line up, we have the Founding 4 of Segathon taking on the middle of the Boston line up. Former Champ Pat should have an easy win, wait, what’s this?? Boston Joe upsets him 4-3. Andy and Jud right the ship with shut out wins against Boston Jim and Boston Ryan. MN really needs Blair to make it 3 in a row as MN has to face the Top 3 dogs of Matt, Alan and Walter who have not lost to an MNer yet.

The following happens.


Ruh Ro! we are in trouble. There is only one other thing us MNers can do to beat these behemoths from Boston, SHOT RACE. Sugar Daddy Dave buys a round for the whole team and the following happens.

MN wins by 1 length and the momentum has shifted. Nick takes down Alan 3-1, then Brandon edges Matt 2-1. Nate puts the cherry on the top with a 8-0 Walter Nuke. The Boston guys are stunned at the drinking ability, they exclaim “I think the beer is making them stronger”

MN celebrates drinking from the Cup, but there is a much bigger prize at stake, the POP championship.


Boston is looking good, 3 of the top 4 seeds are East coasters. And former heavyweights Pat and Jud are knocked out in the 1st round. But Andy, Brandon and Nate draw a line in the sand and fight back. Alan, Matt and a very boozed up Walter are sent down to the Losers bracket and now have to play each other for a chance at the title. Alan takes down the two higher ranked Boston guys with a chance to play Brandon, wait, what? Brandon upsets Nate in the Winners bracket, so Alan plays Nate for a chance at the finals.

See video below

The Nate booze endurance is in full stride, he starts to pound on Alan, but Walter steps in like Bobby the Brain Henan and tries to distract Nate by fast talking his girlfriend, and it worked, but on Nick who laughed at everything Walter said. Nate wins in a blowout. Fun Note if you listen closely you can hear Hugs about to get kicked out of the Bar.


The Finals start with the bar closing down, and Hugs trying to feel up the bouncer. Nate turns it on full steam and beats Brandon 11-3 and then 8-0. Truly a feat. NHL 95 dominance will stay in MN, for now.



All and all a truly great time had by all and we have met our doppelgangers from the eastern time zone. There is talk of a Boston rules tourney in the near future out there at Gillete Stadium the day after Walters Wedding and I hope it comes to true. For another take on the events, click on the very funny Alan’s write up at http://do52new.blogspot.com/2011/07/item-33-interstate-video-tournament.html

Scroll down for the rest of the recap.




Above the Results of the Ryder Cup


The Whole crew watching the OT Ryder Cup Game.


The Ryder Cup and Quote Board
(See quotes at bottom of page)




Boston Regular Season Domination shows as Alan was the Top Scorer with a 4.8 GAA, While Water and Matt were the stingiest Defenders. Matt was the only undefeated team.



Click on the STATGASM logo for sort able stats and head to head records.

For an interactive bracket go to http://challonge.com/segathonpop11

Thinks to note, Blair and Nick going into a double OT game off the bat, followed by Nick going to another OT game with Alan. Alan vs Nates first game was actually a 9-8 barn burner but accidently got inputted as a Nuke. It is corrected in the other stat areas.



Note a few big names take a hit, Pat and Jud who have 4 championships between then don’t win a game and the strong starting Walter doesn’t crack the final four. Nate turns it on in the playoffs almost scoring 7 goals a game. ST Champ Brandon is runner up and two of the Boston Boys Alan and Matt make Hall of Champion Glory.



















***All pics and stories are fabricated and should not be believed without the written consent of segathon***